solitaire

originally known as "patience" in europe, in spain known as "solitario" (yes, very creative) and in the united states known as solitaire is a game played by one person, alone.

it is believed by many people who are like me and try to find the origins of random, sometimes meaningless, but nevertheless well known things, that solitaire as we know it was probably played with tarot cards and probably the mother (or father if solitaire is like a seahorse) of all multi player card games.

to truly understand solitaire, as i strive to this day, we must understand the origin of playing cards. according to solitarecentral.com (yes. it exists.) playing cards were first introduced in italy sometime during the 1300s. probably some rogue italian man, probably named mattia battistini, who was destined to inherit his father's opera house but he wasn't interested in that sort of thing so he ran away and vowed to never return and while mattia battistini was never returning he met a strange old man and the old man took him under his wing and started to teach him many tricks and trades and shared an idea with him about a card used for entertainment. the old man probably taught and trained the runaway man many different types of games and together they stared the creation of playing cards. unfortunetly the old man died when they were digging a tunnel underneath a prison to escape (what? i didn't mention they were in prison?) and the old man gave mattia battistini a map on a circular piece of cloth that led him to a large fortune and mattia battistini used the fortune to get his girlfriend back (who has married his ex-best friend) and get revenge on all the people that had him thrown into prison and with the left over money he started his own playing card factory and thus the first playing cards were invented. (yes i know this sounds a lot like the count of monte cristo but key details will tell you that, while it is similar, there are very important differences in the two stories.)

so playing cards were invented in the 1300s. after their creation they became very popular in northern europe. the first known solitaire game rules were recorded sometime during the napoleonic era. as i suspected, napoleon himself played solitaire (or patience if your european) during his exile at st helena.

solitairecentral.com says he played it in his spare time, well, i was wondering, when you're in exile on an island dedicated to keeping you from society, what else do you have other than spare time?

the author of war and peace, tolstoy, also played solitaire. around the same time as napoleon. tolstoy even mentioned the game in a scene from his famous and incredibly boring novel. it's said that tolstoy used cards to make decisions for him in a "superstitious way". well, those cards should have told him to write twilight or harry potter or something. cards are working out to well for ya are they tolstoy?

some variations of solitaire have strange origins. bill beers was in a mental asylum when he invented "cribbage solitaire". good ol' bill beers had plenty of time to come up with his own version of solitaire. the prisoners were not allowed to use traditional cards like the ones invented by mattia battistini because they could be used as a weapon, haven't you ever seen batman? so they had to use these thick tiles as their cards. my question is, what is bill beers doing in a mental asylum if he can create new versions of solitaire? my answer is, probably solitaire got him there. it's almost gotten me there plenty of times.

well, after this brief and incredibly factual and nonfactual-at-the-same-time look at solitaire's history, this is my conclusion. solitaire will drive you mad. if you don't win, you will keep playing till you do and if you win, you have to prove you're better and play again. it's a vicious cycle that i've been caught in pretty much all week. until i decided to close the little window on my computer and open up this blog post. if you must play a game on your computer, play minesweeper. do not fall into the evil clutches of solitaire, or patience. i have no patience for patience, and neither should you.